January thoughts, February wishes, and just be

January has gotten off to a rough start. Open a news paper today and you’ll be bombarded with more than a lot of bad news. Some mornings I just want to lay in bed and allow the darkness of my bedroom provide a safe space. But that’s the most unproductive thing I could do. And besides, I have two dogs that need to be pooped.

This is the last week of January and there have been a few times where I’ve struggled on what to write about. It’s been cold and we’ve been content to remain at home. Sure, it’s given us time to rest up and get our Pokémon Sword and Shield Pokédexes complete, but it’s nothing to write home about. It’s times like this that I’m reminded that sometimes it’s fine to not do anything. I recently got an email from one of my lovely penpals back in the States. She says that one thing she’s learned from her dog, is to just be. I keep forgetting that.

When I lay in bed at night I need to be on my phone until I get sleepy. Otherwise I can’t help but wonder about what death feels like. I’m only 32 years old but I know it’s coming and I can’t shake those scary thoughts from my head. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been reading books like Severed: A History of Heads Lost and Heads Found by Frances Larson or Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death by Caitlin Doughty. And so I busy myself to keep those thoughts away. In those moments of the endless cycle of doing something, I forget that I can just be.

So here are some things that I’ve been doing to keep busy but also remind myself that I can just be.

Making Art Everyday with Bardot Brush
I’m not sure how I discovered Bardot Brush, but I’m so thankful that I did. I decided that I needed to add another challenge to my life and decided to hop on this one. There’s a new drawing prompt everyday and it’s been a fun journey so far. I’m not a good artist but everyone has to start somewhere. What’s amazing is that I’ve been drawing a bit each day and can see a steady improvement.

Playing Red Dead Redemption 2
Now you might be asking how can this be productive? Well since I’ve finished the main story, I’ve moved into the online mode. It’s where you can make your own player and exist in the Wild West. While I hunt and fish, I can put on a good audiobook and just spend a few hours before bed taking in a good story. Yes, I know I want to read more physical books. But there are still a list of books that I can’t easily find in my local library. In that case I turn to my audiobook collection. It beats sitting on the couch and watching Youtube videos! I also limit myself to playing for a few hours before bed. Trust me, if I wanted to waste my entire week playing this game, I totally could.

Rebooting Youtube
I had a Youtube channel from a few years back but I was so nervous in front of the camera that I couldn’t record anything. Now I’ve have a channel theme and even a few videos out! I’ll be sharing about that later on but for now I just want to focus on how to better myself at it. I’ve even begun to teach myself Adobe Premiere Pro. It’s been a fun and exciting process!

Taking care of my space
I’ve always had a chaotic mess around my work space but I want to limit that this year. Instead I’ve cleaned my space often and opened more windows. The extra sun on my desk has done wonders for my positive headspace and I can’t recommend it enough!

Excited for February
February might not be better but there’s always that hope. Since another volume of Snotgirl is coming out in February, that means Sander and I will head back out to Amsterdam for our errand runs. I’m looking forward to Ramen-Ya! Let’s hope I can remember to take photos to write about it!